Leeds musician talks about feeling “useless” after not performing live for months during the pandemic.
Concerts, gigs and festivals. These are all events that have been sorely missed from the calendars of young people for the last 18 months. But for the live performers, the magical environment of beautiful music, bustling crowds and sold-out stadiums, the loss has been even greater. This is the case for Matthew Baxter who has been performing live music for over 15 years. He talked about the impact that Covid had on his profession. He said: “it doesn’t replace the feeling that your life and your job have no meaning. During that period, I’m not a naturally depressive person but you wake up and wonder why am I getting up today? That was pretty rough.”
Matt Baxter is a 37-year-old music performer from Leeds. He learned to play the guitar at age 15 in high school, and “within a couple of years, I was playing in pubs around Bradford and Huddersfield with people who were a lot older than me. I got a job with an indie band from Bradford, and they got signed to a label in America and asked me to go on tour with them over there.” Mr Baxter said: “After I stopped touring with the band, I was offered a job playing at a ski resort in Austria, and when I was there, I met some musicians who were travelling around the world playing acoustic guitar, singing in bars, and I had never considered that as an option at all.” The 37-year-old then spent the next few years travelling abroad to countries such as Greece, Thailand and Indonesia, among others, performing to live crowds in a wide range of venues. It seems that not only has he had to deal with not being able to perform live in front of a crowd during the pandemic, but his love for travel was also restricted.
While Mr Baxter was able to travel unimpeded for most of his career, it was on a cruise ship when his performing job was initially impacted by the Covid-19 pandemic. Matt Baxter said: “In 2020, in January, I was starting a cruise that I had decided was going to be my last cruise contract. I loved the lifestyle, job and travel, but it’s hard to hold down a relationship, and I didn’t have a place I could call home anymore. The pandemic hit just as I was working on what was supposed to be my last contract in March.” Mr Baxter went from performing in front of crowds of people every day for weeks to being confined to his room for “50 days.” The musician said it was tough mentally as he was only allowed out of his cabin for mealtimes. This meant that Mr Baxter had to put his life and his job on hold as a result of the coronavirus pandemic. He said: “Because it was the start of the pandemic, I was a bit more accepting of the weird situation we were in. It was a struggle mentally; I would say it wasn’t until the lockdown later that year, the second that I felt a sort of oh my god, when is this going to end?”
While many businesses found new and innovative ways to adapt the way they worked to accommodate the lockdown, this wasn’t a viable option for Mr Baxter. He talked about his profession feeling useless. An impact of the lockdown was everyone had free time expand all around them. This would have a negative impact on Mr Baxter as its was in complete contrast to his lifestyle before, talking about how knowing he has plans to perform at venues kept his motivation up and gave him a focus. Now that lockdown meant that focus was gone, it was a struggle to adjust. Mr Baxter said: “In the summer I might squeeze two weddings into the same day whereas in winter it’s a bit different. Then it went to not playing at all and for a long time. Which was another thing psychologically, it’s a bit strange because you get sick of playing to yourself and kind of fall out with the art form.” Mr Baxter elaborated on the impact lockdown had on his music when he was asked about what got him through the lockdown months. He said: “No, no it wasn’t music, I’ve spoken to other musicians about this, and I found sort of two camps, there’s those that found an extra well of creativity and were able to write loads of music and work on musical projects during the lockdown. Then there was the camp that was more like me and anytime I picked up an instrument it felt pointless. I couldn’t find that mood anymore.” Mr Baxter spoke about getting out of the house as much as possible to go on walks with his brother’s family as one of the main things that got him through the lockdown months.
Mr Baxter spoke on the UK re-opening from the 19th July, how he felt about it and what another lockdown would mean for his mental health. Mr Baxter said: “I’m a healthy young ish person, and I’m fully vaccinated now; I don’t think I’ve ever noticed myself having a real fear of the virus, but on the other hand, everything opening back up at once and not being a gradual re-opening makes me feel sort of a little anxious.” The impact on Mr Baxter specifically is perhaps even more significant. Having spent years travelling the world, this is now hindered by strict travel restrictions and mandatory quarantine measures. While the music industry may be on the road back to normality, the road for Mr Baxter will be even longer still.
With Covid-19 cases only expected to rise after Freedom Day, Mr Baxter spoke on what another lockdown would mean for him. “It’s the idea that that there will be another type of lockdown and being taken by surprise mentally. I would be crushed by that. I hope I wouldn’t go back to feeling useless and pointless as a human being”.
References.
Assembly point, Friday 30th July 2021, Matt Baxter- With or without you (Cover) URL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1lOau5a8tEs
